Friday, 27 March 2009

The Seven Habits of Successful Relationships - Part 3

Hope you managed to test out one or two of the habits already.

If you are time challenged a great way to incorporate the habits into your relationship is to "try one on" for a week. Focus on one habit and use it daily in your relationship for a whole week and see what a difference you notice. After week 1, add another habit and use both of them for another week. See what you notice, and continue the process until you are using all 7 habits.

Success Habit Number 5: Heartfelt Communication

Your partner is not your punch bag or dumping ground. It amazes me how some couples talk to eachother or should I say AT eachother. Often they say things to their partner that they would not dream of saying to anyone else (and I dont mean nice things).

I do believe that respect and heartfelt communication are vital for relationships to survive and thrive. I dont mean you cannot speak your truth or say things that might hurt someone else. Its the way you say something that is important and can make a BIG difference to whether or not your partner is able to hear what you are saying in the first place.

Heartfelt communication is about speaking from your heart, being present and open to love. A good simple line to remember when communicating, is the question "what would love say now?" (I think I first heard this in Conversations with God) - if you have something to say to your partner, particularly if its on a challenging matter, say the above questions a few times, before you speak. I am sure your communication will come from a place of LOVE, rather than anger or frustration.

Success Habit Number 6: Making Your Partner Number 1

Your partner has got to come first, before the kids, before your work, before your buddies, your golf...whatever it may be, your partner has got to be number numero uno.Successful relationships flourish and bloom when you put your partner first.

Unfortunately in too many instances when kids come along, the mum starts to put the children first. It is understandable when the newborn arrives that there is a period of time when the newborns needs are first on everyones list, afterall babies are needy and demanding. HOWEVER, there has to come a time, when the baby and especially kids are put in their rightful position.

Putting your partner first, creates a strong foundation in the relationship. You both seek to put eachothers needs before your own and before anyone elses. You can do this by regularly asking yourself questions like "how can I support my partner today?", "what can I do today so my partner knows they are number one in my life".

When I speak with couples who are having challenges in the relationship, one of them will tell me that they do not feel special or important in the relationship. When one of the partners does not feel special then they will unconsciously start to act out and this will result in all sorts of conflict and drama.

If you have kids, a simple way to let them know that mum comes first, is to make sure mum gets the first kiss and cuddle when you come home. Not only does this teach kids that love and affection are important for both parents, it stops sibling rivalry with the "me first, me first" dynamic.

So write down something you can do to support your partner today and tomorrow I will share with you the 7th habit of successful relationships.

Have fun!
May the love be with you!

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