Monday, 23 February 2009

Jack & Jills lopsided illusion

So Jack and Jill, happilly married, in love and on track, apart from the fact that the recession was taking its toll on their finances.

A lack of money is often a big problem in relationships and especially when couples dont talk about it. Well for this couple, the money problems were starting to take their toll, especially when it was Jill's birthday.

Jill knew that Jack had very little money, yet she wanted something special for her birthday. It wasn't that she expected diamonds or prada handbags, she just wanted Jack to do something to showed he cared.

Well, Jack caught up in his inner world, didn't forget it was Jill's birthday, he just knew he couldn't give Jill what she wanted or deserved so he didn't do anything. BIG MISTAKE!

What Jack failed to realise and Jill too, was that Jill see's Jack as her Knight in shining armour and Jill is tied up in her lopsided illusion that Jack can and will perform miracles.

Unfortunately for Jill this meant that she spent her birthday angry and annoyed with Jack because on some level she had bought into her lopsided illusion and as a result didn't feel special. On some level she set herself and Jack up for failure.

What could she have done differently?

Well, I think if Jill had communicated how she felt to Jack prior to her birthday, they could have discussed how they could celebrate her birthday on a budget. They could have instead created a space for love and openness and intimacy instead of Jill feeling angry and upset.

I also think that although it was Jill's special day, had she been focusing on making the relationship special rather than being special herself, they may have been able to choose to celebrate her birthday in a different way to how they usually would.

Jack could have given a gift of a pamper session from him, a bath, candles, massage or he could have prepared a special meal, or taken her to a special place.

The point here, is to recognise that we all have lopsided illusions, and with awareness and openness we can connect better in our relationships.

Jack loves Jill, he did not mean to hurt her feelings. What a gift though, to learn that being open to love can create something so much deeper.

Until next time, may the love be with you!


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